unmakings

im back------I’ve been feeling a little displaced and am trying to figure out how to spend my alone time. Ive been creative in strange and sort of playful spurts. Last night I tried to do a cover of a dolly parton song and it turned out awful and super weird. Tonight I played dress up and prettied myself for a weeping self portrait drawing impulse that now seems silly to act upon. Meanwhile, Here is a new seam drawing and then some actual drawings of seam drawings. I used charcoal, gouache and water. They are on brown paper that was used to wrap blue-prints at my work. I’ve been dwelling on the idea of drawing something material that you made, something that could be important on its own. Is it an excersize to get to know an object I made better? its been nice to get dirty charcoal hands again after like, 3 years or so away from the second dimention.

this weekend I want to do some drawing foreplay with alex—im going to be house sitting for my parents. Blind portraits? Something about drawing someones face is so intimate. Is that what im doing with these seam drawing drawings?

i'm currently looking for another place to live. now im thinking, like, some sort of place where i have a room for sleeping and another room that is a studio, and hopefully its all not too too expensive to ask for. after looking at all these studio spaces in the city-- its more clear how impossible it is to find a large industrial private space with an arts community that is affordable. everything that is in that vein is in bayview (too far to get too on a regular basis) or is a tiny cell in more convenient locations.

since im at a computer all day at work i get really wrapped up in looking at craigslist and a lot of my art ideas have to do with craigslist. i love art projects that use it as a tool to structure imput-- claires thesis where she made people who responded to her ad dinner in exchange for filming them tell stories. this woman sophie blackall's missed connection illustrations. i keep wondering if the people talked about in the san francisco missed connections are me-- i feel so connected to male bikers on market street in the morning, the men buying yogurt at the corner store, and i find myself reading missed connections and wondering if im the redhead on the bicycle even though my hair is brown or if im the curvy woman in black jeans at the gym even though im not very curvy and never go to the gym. i dont even own black jeans. my new idea is that i want to recreate the posts in photographs but with me in every situation. eyla and i were talking about collaborating on some sort of project-- maybe this would be a good thing to do with her cuz she makes really great photographs . (this is her blog, below is one of her pieces).

i want to revise my artists' statement. feeling like its not completely relavent anymore/trynign to be a little too much like anne wilson. i think i need to write more about the work i made this summer and the work i made in portland and merge that with the writing i did for my thesis. the obvious connection between them is clothes, but i feel like there is more going on that im not totally able to pinpoint which i think was why i had such a hard time in portland, especially when the boys kept urging me to talk about it all and i dont know if i was able and i was frusterated that none of them were reading my blog.

things i want to do this weekend while in santa cruz:

1- baking cookies
2-beach
3-go swimming
4-draw portrait of alex (blind?)
5-go to the bargain barn
6-eat bagels
7-laundry
8-bring back thread
9-fix leather jacket
10-look at residencies online
11-write kristin a letter

{photos: 1-6 my own seam drawing drawings, 7 sophie blackall's missed connections, 8 eyla cuenca's x-files version of felix gonzalez-torres' posters, 9 the santa cruz coast from wikipedia}